safe space

aahhh just writing because this feeling is so rare especially nowadays but i wanna be a trophy wife and a high society lady. swarming with elegance and beauty and precision. powerful and sustaining it with my grace. ahhh. 

hey! so im currently listening to ophelia by taylor swift. it is so good. the album is such a bop. it is truly true that you never like the album on the first listen lest understand its essence.  and i have come to a conclusion. that i will always be like this. unsure, unnoticed, sad, depressed melancholic (there is beauty in that too!), belittled, always a follower and never a leader(but hey, i do not mind that too!). my friends compliment me but it hurts. strange how i always craved it but now even though it secretly validates me but then i think that is only the people-pleasing side of me.  like i have lost the ability to cry, my favourite thing to do!!! its like no matter how depressing the situation is i am of the opinion that is forebode and i am destined for them. i think i am turning into my grandpa as well. ugh i hate writing bad stuff about people. but they truly do not mean anything to me even though they must love me so much. idk if that is true. it must be. if i a...

the hopeless romantic in me will always love that boy from sixth grade 

i am okay by living a mediocre life and just being a supermodel with a lethal face who studied data science from iim bangalore. bro i feel too much and nothing at the same time. idk. 

future muskan, hi!  looking back i hope you are in a better state of mind than the one in which you were in whilst in twelfth grade! too much drama, too much self-sabotaging, too much giving attention to boys wanting to ruin your happy self. it is okay if you could not be that girl. what matters is that you showed up every damn day. i am so proud of you for that. the days where you thought - "omg, i am so clueless" - which was practically everyday. but muskan, it is not your fault. there was no handbook, no guidelines whatsover to follow. and my pretty lil scared of taking authority girl, was so miserable and did not know what to do! god is good! maybe i will never be in this position again in my life and since every person experiences something of this sort, this was YOURS! early but what can i say, my baby is precocious. but please study muskan, because you truly are going to be independent and for that you will work hard! you already are. i love you so much and will never ...

please study muskan. remember why you started. no boy is worth your education. i will always love you(your silly little selves, they are all mine ilysm) you already have the best and the highest grades. you are already a supermodel. i love you.