power to me is an illusion. it's not real. it's sort of imaginary and it can feel real when everyone is treating a powerful person in a certain type of way, it can feel like 'yeah this person is really powerful, and every person around them is behaving as so' therefore it is real. but power could go away tomorrow and that person will be left with nothing. whereas doing good things and putting goodwill out there in the world goes beyond power to me. because that's how you build community. that's how you attract people who will always have your back, that's how you create genuine relationships and friendships, and that's how you make the world a better place. so I would rather have people admire me for my good deeds rather than respect me for my power. sue me.
this year was the worst year of my life. but hey i have still got 17 days left but i do not intend to make it better. let it be. i hate my friends so much. and i miss daksh so much. i hate my friends but act all giddy around them and love daksh but pretend to be stern with him. bu they daksh hurt me. even though he has his own family issues he should not impose that on other people. my heart goes out to him i empathise with him and i yearn for him. yearn for our talks. no matter how much he gaslighted me i enjoyed it. but i hope he never makes contact ever again. and i should turn into a lesbian or asexual. idk. because men ew no. i hate how my dad treats my mom. i cannot bear someone treating me like that. my mom should leave him. even though he was caught in infidelity, he has not changed. i still remember that morning where my mum was crying and all family was there except my sister. oh gosh. but worse stuff happen to women outside too. but good stuff too. my only goal in life will ...
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