safe space

i know that nobody really here is there to have your back and probably no one ever will be i think i am one of those persons who will always be alone no matter what and there might be people coming and going out of my life, i know i will try to hold on to them maybe even force them to have me by their back and get close to them, help them, show empathy, drain all my energy on them, cry because of them because i really do i really do care. and then in a snap of a finger, they will be out and non-existent and none of this will ever even matter but just in that moment it feels like no matter how many bad days you have had and will have you hope for that one single good day but babe let me remind you that they are gonna get you nothing, you need to find happiness from within yourself, from your actions, your thoughts. overthinking and creating a godly image of someone person will not stop them from treating you like shit. so babe know your worth because they dont. they never will. and nobo...

i have in life beauty, money and healthy relationships 

  dying to take a trip completely and totally spontaneously. i want to grab my tattered backpack, shove my favorite book in it, scrounge up whatever savings i have left, and just ride a train across all of Europe, stresses and everyday responsibilities be damned. i want a night that kaleidoscopes with seeing the Louvre for the first time and exploring the Catacombs of Paris until the soles of my shoes have worn thin. i want to just leave.

  i don’t have high standards all i want is someone who listens to me ramble about books for hours and who would read the books i’m reading and watch the comfort shows i’m watching and take me on romantic joyrides and hold hands on rooftops and look down at the sprawling city like it’s made out of paper and every inch is another chapter we can write for ourselves

  pls drink a lot of wine and be extraordinarily well read and buy too much perfume and write a few too many love letters and spread affection and poetry wherever you go

  One thing is certain, and I have always known it — the joys of my life have nothing to do with age. They do not change. Flowers, the morning and evening light, music, poetry, silence,

  “To detach yourself elegantly from the world; to give contour and grace to sadness; a solitude in style; a walk that gives cadence to memories; stepping towards the intangible; with the breath in the trembling margins of things; the past reborn in the overflow of fragrances; the smell, through which we conquer time; the contour of the invisible things; the forms of the immaterial; to deepen yourself in the intangible; to touch the world airborne by smell; aerial dialogue and gliding dissolution; to bathe in your own reflecting fragmentation […]”

  "The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain."

  i mean it very seriously when i say you should include poetry in your life. reading it & writing it, there should be a spot for poetry every day

 i prefer hell babe. heaven would be so.....boring

s ometimes you just have to look at someone who’s being unnecessarily rude or unkind or hostile towards you & wrinkle your nose & go “it’s not that deep. you’re so weird for thinking it’s that deep” & then go back to your happy fulfilling life that will forever be independent of how people perceive u

reminder that my blog does not exist for your consumption <3 it does not exist to be meticulously curated for you <3 it's primarily for me and only for me <3 i am not some product or brand or influencer <3 i am just a girl <3 if you don't like my blog, you're free to unfollow anytime <3 so many of you are delusional if you think im over here putting any extra effort into pandering to anyone when i dont even get paid to do this shit. and even if i got paid i probably still wouldn’t do it. go touch some grass it’s blogspot.com and it will never be that deep

I love being alone <- girl who has known nothing but loneliness her entire life and so has no choice but to take comfort in it

I love that I am just a girl in a big world who has dreams and aspirations and who studies hard and minds her own business and is always striving to self-improve but also knows when to relax and have fun. Like I love that about myself actually. I want to always be like this.  I study a ton & ravenously consume knowledge & work out & try to eat healthy & try to have good character & try to always be kind & try to balance my phone time & have fun on my silly little blog while also recognizing none of this actually has a bearing on my wonderful little life with its flaring sunsets & crisp breezes & all the hobbies I could take on & all the spontaneous friendships I could make in the blink of an eye & beautiful books waiting for me to fall in love w them & goals that are waiting to be accomplished & love that’s hiding in corners just waiting for me to discover it & the love I already have and which has never failed to ensconce me....

Part of me is starting to think all the rules are made up. Everyone who is successful has gone against popular narrative and expectations in some way or form, sometimes in a multitude of ways. Most other people are just operating out of fear anyway and trying to keep you down subconsciously because it defies their narrative. Do whatever the fuck you want.

i love it when you start doing little things different & notice how much you’ve grown as a person just by that. like you from a year ago would not have handled that situation the way you are now. you’ve changed for the better. & that is so satisfying