dying to take a trip completely and totally spontaneously. i want to grab my tattered backpack, shove my favorite book in it, scrounge up whatever savings i have left, and just ride a train across all of Europe, stresses and everyday responsibilities be damned. i want a night that kaleidoscopes with seeing the Louvre for the first time and exploring the Catacombs of Paris until the soles of my shoes have worn thin. i want to just leave.
i think about dying too often. like if i were to end my life sure, there would be people who would care. but, would i care about them caring for me? no. and i am sure that i will never find that typa love and it is okay i am not destined for it. i am destined for people to walk all over me and me standing there with a beguiling smiling face. and i will never be satisfied with myself. and omg muskan you have to come over hating yourself. i think it is tied to my daddy issues and that one girl somehow but idk muskan they do not govern you. i have been hating myself so much these days. it is unhealthy. but im just a teen. and i do. i really do want to make the best of these few days i have. and i know i wont survive past twenty. and i hate it everyday here. the hope that the coming say will be even worse is accepted. you will never be the light muskan maybe the people pleaser one yeah never the badass and that's okay it is written in your you cant do anything but die as soon as possi...
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