dying to take a trip completely and totally spontaneously. i want to grab my tattered backpack, shove my favorite book in it, scrounge up whatever savings i have left, and just ride a train across all of Europe, stresses and everyday responsibilities be damned. i want a night that kaleidoscopes with seeing the Louvre for the first time and exploring the Catacombs of Paris until the soles of my shoes have worn thin. i want to just leave.
this year was the worst year of my life. but hey i have still got 17 days left but i do not intend to make it better. let it be. i hate my friends so much. and i miss daksh so much. i hate my friends but act all giddy around them and love daksh but pretend to be stern with him. bu they daksh hurt me. even though he has his own family issues he should not impose that on other people. my heart goes out to him i empathise with him and i yearn for him. yearn for our talks. no matter how much he gaslighted me i enjoyed it. but i hope he never makes contact ever again. and i should turn into a lesbian or asexual. idk. because men ew no. i hate how my dad treats my mom. i cannot bear someone treating me like that. my mom should leave him. even though he was caught in infidelity, he has not changed. i still remember that morning where my mum was crying and all family was there except my sister. oh gosh. but worse stuff happen to women outside too. but good stuff too. my only goal in life will ...
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