I am just a little girl with a big heart and the reason I don't have an Instagram account is because I am such an insecure bitch that I'll fucking compare myself to my picture perfect Instagram friends and become miserable. But today I did it. From my finsta (fake insta) I stalked people and ugh it hurts. I think it feeds my ego and makes me feel so less validated that I go to the extent of not eating and exercising again. It's unhealthy I know it. And I am not even able to write in proper English words. What the fuck. Those girls are posting so many pretty pictures of themselves and hear I am getting scolded by my father for putting the wrong number in the calculator. Ugh. I don't even go out of the house. And my ass is so small. And why can't I do anything. I am so frustrated and I need to sleep. How do they look so good without even a fucking pimple on their face and no dark circles. Saw such a good post today about mediocrity and it was so me. Like. I have to stop eating. This is so bad. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be reliant on fucking chatgpt but what else ughh. Gawd I am stressing about my marks too like ughh she did suck a great job and kudos to her but idk. I think I should stop know. I have to stop going on insta too.
this year was the worst year of my life. but hey i have still got 17 days left but i do not intend to make it better. let it be. i hate my friends so much. and i miss daksh so much. i hate my friends but act all giddy around them and love daksh but pretend to be stern with him. bu they daksh hurt me. even though he has his own family issues he should not impose that on other people. my heart goes out to him i empathise with him and i yearn for him. yearn for our talks. no matter how much he gaslighted me i enjoyed it. but i hope he never makes contact ever again. and i should turn into a lesbian or asexual. idk. because men ew no. i hate how my dad treats my mom. i cannot bear someone treating me like that. my mom should leave him. even though he was caught in infidelity, he has not changed. i still remember that morning where my mum was crying and all family was there except my sister. oh gosh. but worse stuff happen to women outside too. but good stuff too. my only goal in life will ...
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