safe space

heyyy bitch so eleventh grade has been so so terrible and idk what to expect. I feel like I am losing the old me, losing her charm, her zeal for life? I mean I was pretty depressed back then too but now it's showing and it's sad.  But it's okay. Everybody who goes up has to eventually come down. sooner or later.  And for me it has always been sooner. I can never even fully enjoy the happiness in the moment because i am so ruled over by my imposter syndrome. As soon as something nice happens, I always feel like I dont deserve it. Which is so so sad. But you know what we are done with self-pity. But what else do I have left, my obsessive, compulsive, pathological day dreams? They are fucking unhealthy for you muskan. So fucking unhealthy. And all these people in your life are also horrible.  Mom, dad, oh got don't get me started on daddy issues, hurts me so much, i don't wanna be like my dad l, I am not my dad, I am not.   I hate to say this and I won't because th

 PART TWO: REJUVENATING THE PAST SUMMER  BOARDS! BOARDS! BOARDS! finally the sword was uplifted and I was done with it all. the two years filled with academic stress, incompatible friendships, petty misunderstandings and lo and behold my overthinking. jk i was not done with it all but I was overwhelmed, didn't know what to feel or expect anymore. no new tests to look forward too.  The last exam was hindi and as soon as i handed over my paper i forced myself to cry because i had truly survived, i had prevailed alas. it rained. stepping out of the chapel and running towards my backpack to get my white t-shirt and i felt a droplet but it was so engulfed by all the satisfaction that i did not tend to it. we did the signing on our t-shirts, took some pics and i just tried to deluge myslef with all the emotions cause I knew I would not be experiencing them again and this was it. it was a friend's birthday that day. so i rushed home and told the happy news to maa and hurried to my fri

hi! your class eleven academic session is commencing from tomorrow, so in view of that I want to write two posts about me, PART ONE: YOLO  so muskan you will have to start studying again and a lot too and some people will try to marginalise that including yourself but bitch if you want to get into that university and earn you will have to put in that effort. also some things which bothered you might resurface but it si okay because you have already faced it and you're not alone. just try to be happy, tpwk, eat a lil less, exercise and move your body, study and do what you wanna do babe because you only live once for such a short amount of time.