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dear daksh,

how are you? i miss you sm. why is it that i always think of you in situations like these. maybe because i wasn't as open and as vulnerable i was with you than anyone else. and you took advantage of it. i heard you are in hyderabad. you are very unhealthy for me and that is why i will never ever speak to you again. i am becoming prettier day by day. today school was shitty and the boys made me cry haha. i wish you were there tho. i want you to be only mine. if you only cared about me, were obsessed with me, showed your care, were a good person, your wealth would just be an added bonus! i would've loved those longggg rides ahhh. i would've lied to my mom for you. kiss you. make out. just cause we are young. even though you have white hair. but i would never marry you. cause your genes. no. i hate that that i cannot get myself to hate you let alone anyone. 

you made me feel special and small at the same time.

i hate that i miss you,
even when i swear i don’t.

i hate that you’re bad for me,
but my heart still remembers you soft.

i hate that you never chose me,
yet i kept choosing you anyway.

i hate how you made me laugh,
and how that laugh still echoes.

i hate your stupid white hairs,
and how they looked good on you somehow.

i hate every lie you told,
but i hate more that i believed them.

i hate that you were chaos,
and i still wished you were home.

i hate the version of me you created 

i hate that i don’t hate you.
not even a little.
not even now.

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