-

i feel so ashamed and embarrassed. like am i the ashokan fit? 

oh so i did get in to ashoka. want it to feel like a fever dream but it doesn't. just makes me feel unworthy and doubt my abilities if i would be able to fit in with those cool kids. lololol. 

um i really want to feel ok but my indecision making capabilities are getting the better of me. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
this year was the worst year of my life. but hey i have still got 17 days left but i do not intend to make it better. let it be. i hate my friends so much. and i miss daksh so much. i hate my friends but act all giddy around them and love daksh but pretend to be stern with him. bu they daksh hurt me. even though he has his own family issues he should not impose that on other people. my heart goes out to him i empathise with him and i yearn for him. yearn for our talks. no matter how much he gaslighted me i enjoyed it. but i hope he never makes contact ever again. and i should turn into a lesbian or asexual. idk. because men ew no. i hate how my dad treats my mom. i cannot bear someone treating me like that. my mom should leave him. even though he was caught in infidelity, he has not changed. i still remember that morning where my mum was crying and all family was there except my sister. oh gosh. but worse stuff happen to women outside too. but good stuff too. my only goal in life will ...
Read more
-
i think about dying too often. like if i were to end my life sure, there would be people who would care. but, would i care about them caring for me? no. and i am sure that i will never find that typa love and it is okay i am not destined for it. i am destined for people to walk all over me and me standing there with a beguiling smiling face. and i will never be satisfied with myself. and omg muskan you have to come over hating yourself. i think it is tied to my daddy issues and that one girl somehow but idk muskan they do not govern you. i have been hating myself so much these days. it is unhealthy. but im just a teen. and i do. i really do want to make the best of these few days i have. and i know i wont survive past twenty. and i hate it everyday here. the hope that the coming say will be even worse is accepted. you will never be the light muskan maybe the people pleaser one yeah never the badass and that's okay it is written in your you cant do anything but die as soon as possib...
Read more
-
this lil place makes me feel so much! and i am so grateful for myself to have created this space for me. i am trying to be more present and write down my thoughts as they occur. in small sentences.  but i opened my blog today because i am angry and disappointed in you muskan. you had two frickin' days to prepare for your eco exam but you did not. and you are cramming at 6:52 pm. i feel i am wasting my time writing this, but hey! you've already wasted so much. but no get back to studying because studying will get you places. people-pleasing will only deteriorate your health. i always get the best and the highest grades in each and every exam that i write. and so will i tomorrow. i already have the best and the highest grades in all the exams. i even got into iim bangalore ug data science course and am thriving over there. i love life. 
Read more